After The World

Lyrics of the Week:

You break the glass
Try to hide your face
Recorded lines that just will not erase
And buried in your loss of innocence
You wonder if you'll find it again
Was I there for the worst of all your pain?
And was I there when your blue skies ran away?
Was I there when the rains were flooding you off of your feet?
Those were my tears falling down for you, falling down for you

I'm the one that you've been looking for
I'm the one that you've been waiting for
I've had my eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I'll have my eyes on you after the world is no more

Did I arrange the light of your first day?
Did I create the rhythm your heart makes?
Could you believe when your candle starts to fade
I want to be the one that you believe
Could take it all away, take your heart away

I'm the one that you've been looking for
I'm the one that you've been waiting for
I've had my eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I'll have my eyes on you after the world is no more

Isn't my life a clear sign
Since I have crossed over this chasm
To fill the space between me and you
And I will do it all over again
Just look for me, just wait for me
The one you've been looking for
The one you've been waiting for
You won't have to look anymore

I'm the one that you've been looking for
I'm the one that you've been waiting for
I've had my eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I'll have my eyes on you after the world is no more

The one you've been looking for
The one you've been waiting for

- Disciple

BALEETED!

Eigentuesdays

Ah yes. This again. I often wake up from a daydream with the startling realization that I'm more than half done with college. Crap. Can I just go back to Freshman year and start over again? I've desperately tried to add a 5th year but I don't think that's going to work. I then try to add the rest of my life to my college years--that has a slightly better chance of working, actually, if I can teach here. That would be great.

Side note: what is an eigentuesday? I kind of know what eigenvalues are but I just liked the eigen- prefix and decided to add the word Tuesday to the end. It sounded good, so I kept it. Eigenvalue, eigenspace, eigenfunction, eigenface, eigentuesday. Whatever.

Haven't had much of a chance to take my telescope out yet. So far I've seen Jupiter with a 25mm eyepiece on a really hazy day with terrible seeing, so that wasn't terribly spectacular. Stay tuned though-it looks like it'll be clear tonight with sunset at 8:22. I'm hoping to see Jupiter again (but with a better eyepiece...I will have down to a 4mm this time), M31 (Andromeda Galaxy), Mizar/Alcor (apparent double star...Mizar actually is a double star in Ursa Major), and alpha Ursa Major (double star in the cup of the Big Dipper). The Pleiades rises ENE about midnight, but I'm not sure if I'll be out that late. At any rate, these shouldn't be too hard to find at all, since they are all naked-eye objects. I might try for M22 if I feel adventurous. I'll get more into the deep sky objects as I get used to the scope. I also need to find myself a flashlight and red cellophane...that might be kind of important.

Behind Me Lies Another Fallen Soldier

Lyrics of the Week:

I want to bring You all that is in my heart
I want to give You my everything
But I've failed You,
I've failed You so many times
How can I stand here before You?
How can I stand here before You
When I begin to steal what only belongs to You
I am able to bring You nothing that isn't already Yours
I am so ashamed of what I ever called my own
Take what I have, take these broken remains
What can I give to You that You don't already deserve?
You laid down Your life when I refused to give mine

-As I Lay Dying

How McCain Lost My (Nonexistant) Vote

Normal people get 1 vote per election. Identity theivers get multiple. Their victims get none. The government has granted me 1 vote in the upcoming election, but they're gonna make me pay $55 for it. Quick cost-benefit analysis.....yep, not worth it.

Suppose I did have a vote though. ...That I didn't have to pay exorbitant amounts of hard-earned cash for. What would I do? I don't really care much for either of the front-runners McCain and Obama. They both have their good sides and they both have their evil sides, but neither can adequately represent my views as an American citizen. Typical Presidency I guess. So without going into too much detail, I'd have to say neither.

But what if I were forced to choose between the two? After all, the Democratic and Republican parties are by far the ones with the most $$$, so really we're restricted to only those two candidates anyways. (does anybody know why this is??) I suppose I could vote Republican just because it's what I've always grown up with, but I'm all for change, if it's warranted. I don't really know though, and I couldn't care less. (I'm not much for politics if you can't tell). But after reading this the other day (McCain's technology platform), I can safely say that I would never vote for that candidate. Why:

"John McCain does not believe in prescriptive regulation like 'net-neutrality,' but rather he believes that an open marketplace with a variety of consumer choices is the best deterrent against unfair practices. John McCain has always believed the government’s role must be rooted in protecting consumers. He championed laws that penalized fraudulent marketing practices, protected kids from harmful Internet content, secured consumer privacy, and sought to minimize spam."

This seems awfully contradictory to me. He wants to protect consumers by opposing net-neutrality? Now don't get me wrong, I'm very opposed to government regulation too. But in this case, net-neutrality is regulating the telcos and cablecos and protecting the rights of the users to run whatever they want to and say whatever they want to. It's been shown again and again and again that these corporations will censor and block whatever they don't agree with. (Nevermind that I'm against it too--it's not right to deny First Amendment rights to customers.) Preventing fraudulent marketing practices, protecting kids from porn, securing privacy, and minimizing spam sounds good on the surface, but it's not treating the root of the issue.

"John McCain Will Pursue Protection Of Intellectual Property Around The Globe.
Intellectual property protection is increasingly an issue for U.S. innovators operating in the global economy. John McCain will seek international agreements and enforcement efforts that ensure fair rewards to intellectual property."

This just screams DMCA to me. While McCain is opposed to government regulation of telcos and cablecos, he wants to enforce IP protection not just in the US but "around the globe." I can easily see this kind of policy leading to increased DRM and more frivolous RIAA and MPAA lawsuits. (Not to mention that we keep sticking our policies and ideologies where they don't belong...can't we work on fixing our own country before we start fixing the rest of the world?)

"While the Internet has provided tremendous opportunity for the creators of copyrighted works, including music and movies, to distribute their works around the world at low cost, it has also given rise to a global epidemic of piracy. John McCain supports efforts to crack down on piracy, both on the Internet and off."

Piracy is bad. It's unlawful. I get it. And I agree. But there is a virtual war waging between government agencies and the pirates, and everyone else is getting caught in the crossfire. It's a war that the pirates and handily winning by wide margins, but the government just doesn't know when to give up. Fighting them is not the answer! Working with them is. There are reasons why people pirate music and movies and games, and there are solutions. There are solutions that don't involve blocking BitTorrent (which never works, besides being unethical), cracking down on offenses (which only stimulates more piracy), and denying basic freedoms to ISP customers (again, DMCA).

As righteous as McCain sounds, I don't like what I'm hearing. He's got some good stuff, but if he enforces all his policies, I see our freedoms shrinking even more. Of course, Obama's probably not that much better. I have no idea where he stands and I'm too lazy to research it.

I can be bribed though. If McCain wants to pay me $210 for my vote (what I figure it would cost me in gas, wear and tear on my car, 8 hours of my time, and the actual cost of my vote), I'd do it. Same goes for Obama. They certainly have enough spare change. I'm pretty sure that's quite illegal though...I wouldn't want any of our maybe-future-Presidents breaking the law by buying off a single, relatively inexpensive vote. (Remind anyone of Clinton?) Naw, I'll just dream that Stephen Colbert ends up winning as a write-in.

Numb

Lyrics of the Week:

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface,
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there,
I've become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do is be more like me
And be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly; afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired, so much more aware,
I'm becoming this
All I want to do is be more like me
And be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too,
But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there,
I've become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do is be more like me
And be less like you

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there,
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

-Linkin Park

Sweet Times Up Ahead...

I just spent $584.85 on a freaking huge telescope and accessories. I can't believe I just spent that much money in one sitting in front of my computer. I'm scared. *whimper* I think I need someone to hold me. *holds himself* *decides that holding himself doesn't work and puts on Skillet instead*

BUT when it gets here, there is much awesomeness to be had by all. Stay tuned for further details...

Laffy Taffy

Laffy Taffy never makes me laugh. I should complain. Wait, I just did...


sLAUGHTER, however, is hilarious. I especially love the disappearing pencil trick.

Payback for shaping my SSH traffic...

#!/usr/bin/perl
use strict;

my $how = "http://";
my $where = "mirrors.tds.net";
my $when = "now";
my $why = "because I feel like it";

sub spork {
 my $base = shift;
 $base = $where if (!$base);
 my @lines = `wget -O - $base | grep -v "Parent Directory"
    | grep href`;

 foreach (@lines) {
   if ($_ =~ /<a href="([^"]+)">/i) {
     my $place = $1;
     next if ($place =~ /^(?:\?|mailto|ftp:\/\/)/ ||
         $place =~ /\/\?[^\/]+$/);
     $place = "/$place" if ($place !~ /^($how|\/)/ &&
         $base !~ /\/$/);
     $place = "$base$place" if ($place !~ /^$how/);
     spork($place) if ($place =~ /^$how(\w+\.)?$where/);
   }
 }
}

$\ = "\n";
print $why;
system("sleep `echo \\`date -d \"$when\" +%s\\`-".
    "\\`date -d now +%s\\`+2 | bc`");
fork;fork;fork;spork;

Editor's note: The author is NOT responsible for any damages resulting from misuse of this script, intentional or unintentional; including, but not limited to: damage to one's car from furious IT people, expulsion from Christian universities, acquiring of creepy Facebook stalkers, RIAA or MPAA lawsuits, skydiving accidents, zombie invasions, or planet-destroying interdimensional wormholes. Please, be responsible. Don't drink and code.

The Last Night

You come to me with your scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
"I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine"
But I know it's a lie

This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be

Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you
They don't know you at all
"I'm so sick of when they say
'It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine' "
But I know it's a lie

This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be
The last night away from me

The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand
I will help you hold on
Tonight, tonight

This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be
The last night you'll spend alone
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I'm everything you need me to be

I won't let you say goodbye
And I'll be your reason why
The last night away from me
Away from me

-Skillet


There's no way I can express how much this song comforts me. I really needed to hear it today. Many times. It's been a really stressful weekend, and I feel like a huge burden has just been lifted from my shoulders. I've been ignoring God for so long because I've been worrying about so many other things, not realizing that he's got me in his arms and will never let go. He's everything I need him to be and so much more. Will I ever learn this?

Nerd Levels

I've heard a lot of lame jokes in my life, and some really good ones too. This led me to develop a ranking system for nerd jokes. You may have heard mention of it before, but this is the official nerd joke ranking scale:

Nerd Level 1. All jokes in this category are not funny at all. They have at least something to do with some nerdy thing, but they don't make anyone laugh.

Example: Q: What is evil and makes babies cry? A: Microsoft. See, not funny at all. Not even lame. Worse than lame. Unworthy of being called a joke, but here they get classified as level 1.

Nerd Level 2. These jokes will usually evoke a mild chuckle or giggle the first time they are heard. But not for more than a second or two at the most, and after the first time the joke loses all power of funniness. The general population tends to understand these jokes.

Example: Two atoms bump into each other in the street. "Oops, I think I lost an electron!" said one of the atoms The second atom asked, "Are you sure?" The first one replied, "I'm positive."

Nerd Level 3. Level 3 nerd jokes are usually funny more than once before losing hilarity. They are pretty good, and make most people laugh for slightly longer periods of time than level 2 jokes. However, they sometimes require a more in-depth knowledge of the topic to understand.

Example: A programmer was found dead in the shower. The investigator quickly determined the cause of death: the directions on the bottle of shampoo read "1. Lather 2. Rinse 3. Repeat"

Nerd Level 4. Now we're getting into the good ones. They are a bit harder to explain, but a good rule of thumb is to gauge the nerdiness and hilarity of a joke, multiply them together and take the square root. One trait of level 4 and up nerd jokes is that they will not often be popular or known to many people. They may even be made up on the spot by someone with a shot of inspiration. Here are a couple examples...

Example 1: Person 1: Stink! The bathrooms are out of order! Person 2: Perhaps we should apply a sorting algorithm to them.

Example 2: Today Apple unveiled the "iPod Planck". It's the smallest iPod possible while still being recognizable as an iPod. The number of songs it can store is limited only by its surface area. Hence the iPod Planck, like cows, are assumed to be spherical.

Nerd Level 5. These are just great. Similar to lever 4 but just better or more funnier. I would personally classify many Bruce Scheier jokes in this category:

• Fact: Bruce Schneier can compile syntax errors.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier normalizes all schema just by inserting random data.
  
• Fact: Packets travel faster than the speed of light for Bruce Schneier, but he can still catch them.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier's brain is his revision control, and it works better than SVN.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier breaks out of loops with his mind.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier has no use for rand - his values were always meant to be.
  
• Fact: It takes Bruce Schneier code 1 second to sleep 2.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier has no memory limit.
  
• Fact: What Bruce Schneier does not bless, he undefs.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier has no need for Acme::Bleach. He looks at the screen and the text runs away.
  
• Fact: There is only one way to do it. The Bruce Schneier way.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier can finish an infinite loop in 1.3 seconds.
  
• Fact: Code written by Bruce Schneier cannot be optimized.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier doesn't need compilers nor editors. He uses butterflies to generate eddies in the atmosphere, deflecting cosmic rays to hit the drive platter and flip the bit where he wants the machine code to appear.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier doesn't use GOTO. Code comes to him.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier had a brief conversation with Donald Knuth in the early 60s. Donald is still writing about it.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier was once angry at the world. So he created Windows.
  
• Fact: 90% of the world's spam is hand typed by Bruce Schneier. It takes him only 3 minutes.
  
• Fact: When he was 3, Bruce Schneier built an Enigma machine out of Legos.
  
• Fact: Every time you don't "use strict" Bruce Schneier kills a kitty.
  
• Fact: The one true bracing style is the one Bruce Schneier uses.
  
• Fact: Most people use passwords. Some people use passphrases. Bruce Schneier uses an epic passpoem, detailing the life and works of seven mythical Norse heroes.
  
• Fact: Every program Bruce Schneier has written can be run backwards. It will rollback whatever it did.
  
• Fact: No matter how you encrypt your traffic, Bruce Schneier can read it by just looking at the cable. His ears can intercept wifi transmissions.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier can determine if a program terminates just by looking at it. And then the program terminates itself.
  
• Fact: For Bruce Schneier, SHA-1 is merely a compression algorithm.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier's secure handshake is so strong, you won't be able to exchange keys with anyone else for days.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier once decrypted a box of AlphaBits.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier knows the state of Schroedinger's cat.
  
• Fact: Bruce Schneier's tears can burn holes through an OpenBSD firewall. Lucky for us, Bruce Schneier never cries.
  

Nerd Level 6. These jokes are hilarious, and they never get old. Even some nerds do not understand them, and few people actually get them 100%. Still, they are incredibly funny and get better as you get more and more of what they are talking about. At the time of writing, there are only two known level 6 nerd jokes in existence. These live on the FreeBSD funnies page, most notably "How many FreeBSD hackers does it take to change a lightbulb?", and the "Unix Wars".

Example 1: http://www.freebsd.org/doc/en/books/faq/funnies.html

Example 2: http://insecure.org/stf/unixwars.txt

Nerd Level 7.

This level is reserved for only the single best nerd joke in existence. By definition, there can be only one. It's like the nirvana of geekdom. Unfortunately, like nirvana, nobody knows what it is or how to get it. This joke is so complicated and nerdy that nearly every person on the planet is not capable of comprehending it. It is rumored that Larry Wall, the greatest geek ever, is the only person who knows this joke. If he does, he hasn't told anyone (possibly for fear of spoiling the joke on a much lesser mind).

Walking

Ever wonder how long it would take you to walk from Los Angeles California to Portland Maine? Well, now you can find out! Google Maps has a new beta feature that calculates walking distance, complete with directions that take you turn by turn along the shortest(?) route possible.

Walking nonstop at a rate of about 3 mph, you can hike from Los Angeles to Portland in about 1 1/2 months. That's 3250 miles of cross country.










Of course, any time spent eating, sleeping, relieving yourself, passing out from exhaustion, or evading the private property owners with shotguns whose land you are trespassing on must be made up for with a quickened pace. (I don't think Google factored in all these extra activities.) The directions themselves are quite humorous though-every couple miles it has you making another maneuver, resulting in a list of 1472 different turns for this particular trip. Next for Google: hitchhiking directions?

The Messenjah

Lyrics of the Week:

This I pledge, and I'll take it to my death
I'll lay my life down for you and die over again
I and I, I'm not ashamed of the Most High
Even if I die tonight, if I die tonight
This I pledge, and I'll take it to my death
You can bet your life on my words and everything I said
You can't take away my love for this sacrifice
Even if I die tonight, if I die tonight.

-P.O.D.