I wrote myself another sweet Perl script. This time, it automatically logs into Facebook, finds all my "friends", and downloads everyone's pictures. It searches through people's albums and downloads every picture from every album from every "friend" (including profile pictures). Creepy? Yes. Super-wicked-awesome? Very yes!*
For those who like numbers...
"Friends" on Facebook: 155 Total pictures: 56495 Size of downloaded material: 3.1 GB Most number of pictures: Hannah Rose (3472) Least number of pictures: Dr. Geisler (0) Average number of pictures: 364 Median number of pictures: 138
Thanks Hannah for that great outlier.
* Frankly, you should have seen this coming. If you don't want me to see your pictures, you should either have 1) Not uploaded them to a public place like Facebook or 2) Not added me as your friend. It's all your fault, I swear.
So in love with the memories of you that I have fallen away So alive in the memories of you that I have died again today
Thinking of you... Amazed by your disguise You look so beautiful with death in your eyes I'm breaking free from you and it's best/the hardest thing I could do You'd never know that I loathe you "Do not lust in your heart after her beauty Or let her captivate you with her eyes." (Proverbs 6: 25)
I'm so in love with the memories of you that I have fallen away So alive in the memories of you that I have died today
Oh God, God please kill the lady that's inside of me... God please kill the lady that's inside of me... God please kill the lady!
Stay out of my house! You're not welcome here! I'm so free without you Yet so aware that I am hanging on by a thread of grace and nothing more Sweet Jesus have mercy when she knocks on my door! "The prostitute reduces you to your weakest Adulteress preys upon your very life" (Proverbs 6: 26)
I'm so in love with the memories of you that I have fallen away So alive in the memories of you that I have died today
Hosting her was the choice I made, competence was the currency paid Hence, my true love I'd forsake Eyes maintained for her she'd take I'm breaking for my heart to find innocence I've left behind God Almighty, Giver of Peace, grant to me the strength I seek!
The broken clock is a comfort It helps me sleep tonight Maybe it can stop tomorrow From stealing all my time And I am here still waiting Though I still have my doubts I am damaged at best Like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart I'm barely breathing With a broken heart That's still beating In the pain There is healing In your name I find meaning So I'm holding on I'm holdin' on I'm barely holding on to you
The broken locks were a warning You got inside my head I tried my best to be guarded I'm an open book instead And I still see your reflection Inside of my eyes That are looking for purpose They're still looking for life
I'm falling apart I'm barely breathing With a broken heart That's still beating In the pain Is there healing In your name I find meaning So I'm holding on I'm still holdin' on I'm barely holding on to you
I'm hanging on another day Just to see what, you will throw my way And I'm hanging on, to the words you say You said that I will, will be okay The broken lights on the freeway Left me here alone I may have lost my way now But I haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart I'm barely breathing With a broken heart That's still beating In the pain, In the pain there is healing In your name, In your name I find meaning So I'm holding on I'm still holdin' I'm holdin' on I'm still holdin' Barely holding on to you Barely holding on to you
It's been several hours in the making (far too long), but I am now releasing version 0.2 of my custom-built screensaver. That's right, you saw it here first!
It's called JScreensaver. It's a small little Perl script that displays pictures on your screen like a slideshow. What makes this different from your mom's screensaver is that you can vote pictures "up" or "down" using the arrow keys to alter the frequency that the pictures occur. So if you don't like looking at that random picture of Susie throwing up eggnog, you can vote it down once or thrice and it won't show up as often. Likewise, you can vote up your mom's picture and you'll see it more frequently.
Requirements: - Linux-based operating system* - Perl interpreter with SDL bindings (not hard to get...you just need the libsdl-perl package) - A bunch of pictures you don't mind using for a screensaver
Features: - Specify directory of pictures to display - Change delay between pictures - Set desired screen resolution - Show pictures in random order - Change how much the voting affects picture frequency
Yes, this is what I've been doing over break. All I need now is a script to download everyone's Facebook pictures...
* Sorry Windows users, you're just too difficult. (It may theoretically be possible to port it to Windows, but it would take a lot of motivation and time and resources.) It has the potential to work on Mac OS X, but special libraries have to be manually downloaded and installed. It's possible that a future release will include a Mac version of the screensaver as well.
This software is licensed under the WTHPL. The author claims absolutely no responsibility for anything that happens as a result of running or not running this software.
It has come to my attention recently how so many parallels can be drawn between two seemingly disparate things. Take, for example, a programming language and a religion. It seems to me that my favorite language of all time, Perl, and my personal Christian beliefs actually have a lot in common, and not just because Larry Wall, Perl's founder, is a professed Christian.
The most obvious common thread between Perl and Christianity that I can see is how misunderstood they are by the general public. I have encountered much undue resistance to both subjects, mostly by people who've had little to no personal experience with them. I've heard from multiple people how difficult and impossible Perl is; they claim that it's a write-only language and utterly indecipherable. I've also heard similar stigmatizations about Christianity, with all it's rules, regulations, prohibitions, and the like.
What I believe people don't see, however, is that, like Perl, Christianity only appears complicated and complex on the outside. When you really delve into it and find out what the core essence of it is, it's actually simple, beautiful, and elegant. Perl's syntactical structure can be a bit unwieldy for a novice-I grant that-but the more time you spend with it, the more you begin to understand not only how simple solutions are but also how powerful of a language it can be.
And powerful it is. This may be a tad bit of a stretch, but I also claim another similarity between Perl and Christianity is their usefulness, or perhaps practicality. Perl can often be used for "quick and dirty" applications to solve simple problems, or it can be managed in heaping portions to drive complex application behavior. Christianity, too, is perhaps the most practical religion out there. Neverminding the people who "do it wrong"TM (which I'm getting to), the core ideas behind Jesus' teachings are to love God first, then love your neighbor. And his entire life, including everything else in the New Testament, teaches us exactly what it means to love. Besides the Gospel message, that's Christianity in a nutshell. Sure I'm biased, but I think that's pretty practical for everyday living, if you "do it right"TM!
And then of course you have the people who "do it wrong"TM. These are the people who don't comment their code, who use as many ridiculous shortcuts as possible and obfuscate their code beyond recognition, who don't conform to any reasonable programming style, who tip horribly on Sundays, who preach at people without practicing the love of God, who impose Christianity as nothing more than a big list of dos and don'ts, who are so obtuse and blinded that they reject and ignore any current scientific fact because their stupid stubborn nature can't comprehend two different facets of God's creation at once. These people ruin the image of what it's supposed to be about. And I fear that both Perl's and Christianity's images are ruined, perhaps irreparably, by people claiming to be on the inside but who just don't get it.</rant>
...one last humorous comment. Despite my trivial attempts at trying to blend my vision of Perl and Christianity, there's one glaring nonconformity I found. One of Perl's mottos is "There's more than one way to do it", abbreviated TMTOWTDI for short; and this is so true. In Perl, there are hundreds of different ways of envisioning solutions to the same problem, and depending on your background and style, any one of these ways is just as valid as any other. Of course, the Christian message is completely backwards: Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." There is, clearly, only one way to do it (TOOWTDI).
Despite the lies that you're making Your love is mine for the taking My love is Just waiting To turn your tears to roses
I will be the one that's gonna hold you I will be the one that you run to My love is A burning, consuming fire
No! You'll never be alone When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars Hear my whispers in the dark No! You'll never be alone When darkness comes you know I'm never far Hear my whispers in the dark
You feel so lonely and ragged You lay here broken and naked My love is Just waiting To clothe you in crimson roses
I will be the one that's gonna find you I will be the one that's gonna guide you My love is A burning, consuming fire
No! You'll never be alone When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars Hear my whispers in the dark No! You'll never be alone When darkness comes you know I'm never far Hear my whispers in the dark
I sing a simple song of love To my Savior, to my Jesus I'm thankful for the things You've done My loving Savior, my precious Jesus My heart is glad that You call me your own Because there's no place I'd rather be Than in your arms of love In your arms of love Holding me still Holding me near In your arms of love
It's Friday and I'm dead tired. I don't plan on being very coherent today...
However, I am excited that we finished reading Invisible Cities for World Literature. The whole book is pretty cool, but I absolutely love last paragraph (Marco Polo is conversing with Kublai Khan, but that's not so important):
He [Kublai Khan] said: "It is all useless, if the last landing place can only be the infernal city, and it is there that, in ever-narrowing circles, the current is drawing us."
And Polo said: "The inferno of the living is not something that will be; if there is one, it is what is already here, the inferno where we live every day, that we form by being together. There are two ways to escape suffering it. The first is easy for many: accept the inferno and become such a part of it that you can no longer see it. The second is risky and demands constant vigilance and apprehension: seek and learn to recognize who and what, in the midst of the inferno, are not inferno, then make them endure, give them space."
Basically this is a free mod for the Source engine that is a complete remake of the original Half-Life game. I've been playing through HL1 off and on lately (which I purchased for $.98 might I add!), and this sounds really exciting. The trailer looks amazing. I'll be looking forward to it as much as I am Episode 3.
(Speculation: Can we get the Portal gun in Episode 3? Please please please please please?)
All your twisted thoughts free flow To everlasting memories Show soul Kiss the stars with me And dread the wait for Stupid calls returning to us to life We say to those who are in love It can't be true 'cause we're too young I know that's true because so long I was So in love with you So I thought
A year goes by And I can't talk about it
On my knees Dim lighted room Thoughts free flow try to consume myself in this I'm not faithless Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose Ignorance is bliss, cherish it Pretty neighborhoods you learn too much to hold Believe it not And fight the tears With pretty smiles and lies about the times
A year goes by And I can't talk about it The times weren't right And I couldn't talk about it
Choris Romance says goodnight Close your eyes and I'll close mine Remember you, remember me Hurt the first, the last, between Choris Romance says goodnight Close your eyes and I'll close mine Remember you, remember me Hurt the first, the last, between
And I'm praying that we will see Something there in between Then and there that exceeds all we can dream So we can talk about it
Choris Romance says goodnight Close your eyes and I'll close mine Remember you, remember me Hurt the first, the last, between Choris Romance says goodnight Close your eyes and I'll close mine Remember you, remember me Hurt the first, the last healing
And I'm praying that we will see Something there in between Then and there that exceeds all we can dream
And all these twisted thoughts I see Jesus there in between And all these twisted thoughts I see Jesus there in between
It's been a busy Thanksgiving break but it's been far too short. For the more visual types, what follows is a summary of my escapades in easy-to-read bulleted form:
Avoided eating far too much food on Thanksgiving Day
Managed to win 2 out of 3 Euchre games
Completely avoided shopping or going out of the house the day after Thanksgiving...Ugh, I hate black Friday...too many people.
Spent some quality time with Lester and Li-Li
Fixed up Debris all nice. She now has a new muffler, new tire valve stems, clean windows, and a faint body shop scent.
Took a gander at Jupiter and Venus before they disappeared below the neighbor's house. Also saw the Pleiades and figured out how the eyepiece filters are supposed to be used.
Saw Quantum of Solace again. It was better the second time.
Saw the new Star Trek movie trailer again. It was worse the second time.
Did a smidgeon of homework. Just a smidgeon. I managed to raise my first World Lit exam grade from a C to a B- and do all the reading in that class up to Wednesday. Add to that a little bit of Math Stats take home (like, a 1/3 of it), and I'm happy with the work I got done. I will regret it later this week though...
Listened to country.
Now I feel that I need to explain this one. Make no mistake: in no way at all am I now a fan of country music. Call me a heretic if you want, but I felt the need to branch out and remove some prejudices in my life, and one of the biggest prejudices is toward that twangy-let's-talk-about-my-girl-my-dog-my-tractor-and-every-sad-thing-that-can-possibly-happen-to-me-until-you're-sick-of-it style country music that I loathe so much. (My prejudices are not completely removed, as you can maybe tell.) A friend and I traded country and screamo for a short time, and I think it's been good for me. Mostly. I caught myself using certain...contractions...and other non-sensical words that I shan't be sayin'. So ya'll just need to fergive me now if ya start hearin' me sayin' things like that. Ahem. Allow me to turn on some Demon Hunter...ahhh, that's better. :) They always make me smile.
Um, for fear of losing my last few readers because this post is too long, I shall end it now. Feel free to quote me on anything I've said.
Lying here, in this pit That life's pushed me down I don't know just how long I can take Or when I might break I'm in, needing so someone Please show me the truth
This need is real, in my soul I feel The love you shared That's why I can't say no again My thoughts are confused For my sins you're abused My heart it screams To open up and let you in
In my mind I'm still fighting to understand Nothing's free, but what you offered me You give so freely Though it cost you your life and inside You show me the truth
This need is real, in my soul I feel The love you shared That's why I can't say no again My thoughts are confused For my sins you're abused My heart it screams To open up and let you in
You know I try to do it To be a self-made man I tried to place it all Upon my back again But this crushing weight Was well beneath the skin Panicking for the light An inner struggle I fight But then I realized That you could be the only way
This need is real, in my soul I feel The love you shared That's why I can't say no again My thoughts are confused For my sins you're abused My heart it screams To open up and let you in
Morning light hides behind shadowy veils White snow glistens in tranquil bliss Remembering anniversaries of days long forgotten... Forgotten by most, remembered by one: O holy day when love was quenched When lifeless tears were shed, Remember the arms of love that held you then Remember the light you were given in times of darkness... Light fades from pale blue to crimson red Pristine crystals crack under dirty footsteps The world sleeps Stupid college students awaken The day has lived and died Let it live on in our memories.
Lately I've been having some interesting problems with apt on my Ubuntu installation. I had just finished reinstalling Hardy on my laptop after failing to get wireless working on Gentoo (again). I was attempting to install some of my essential Linux programs like konsole and amarok; however, apt was not properly downloading the files. Whether I was on wireless or plugged into the wall, it would download a couple kb of the .deb file (perhaps a single packet?) and then stall. I tried different times, different servers, different network ports, but nothing worked. Other packages would download fine, but not these. I could kill apt and restart it, and it would then download the next few kb and stall. This is no way to download updates.
Interestingly, I figured out what files it was trying to grab and attempted to fetch them with wget...it worked. Downloading with Firefox? Worked again. For some reason apt was failing to download certain packages from any server. So I wrote a nifty little Perl script that takes a package name as input, queries apt for a list of files to fetch, downloads them with wget (displaying nice progress indicators along the way), places them in the appropriate apt cache location, and then runs apt-get to install the package using the cached files. I later added functionality for other apt commands like update, upgrade, and dist-upgrade, effectively making it a simple apt-get wrapper that bypasses whatever apt uses to download .deb files. Well, it works and it's pretty cool. Perl to the rescue once more. I think it shall never run out of usefulness to me.
The other day was Communication Adventures Day, so another guy and I decided to randomly watch a movie about communicating (kind of). I had no idea what to expect, but I now consider it one of my favorite movies ever.
Nearly the entirety of My Dinner With Andre consists of two men talking in a fancy New York restaurant, discussing the courses of their lives since they last saw each other. There is no plot. There is no resolution. There are no sword fights or gun battles. There is no romance. There is a little conflict. It's the kind of movie that requires very careful attention or else you miss so much, and you must either watch it by yourself or with those people who know how to watch good movies (i.e. silently).
Since there's no plot, there's not much to give away. One man, Andre, has spent the last several years living very eastern mystic-y in various places. The first half is basically him talking about all the things he's done and the experiences he's had traveling around the world doing crazy things. The rest of the movie is a discussion between Andre and Wally about all sorts of philosophical issues. They discuss life, what it means to be alive, a fundamental relationship between daily life and acting in the theatre, differences between people who accept life as it is and those who seek to know the deeper meaning behind it, the relationship between science and mysticism and how it beautifully ties in with the Eastern and Western worldviews, and so on and so on. It's such a beautiful philosophical movie that truly does require your utmost and careful attention lest you be bored.
The movie unintentionally leaves it as an exercise to the viewer to tie in Christianity with all things discussed in the film. There is no indication of any kind of Christian overtone (which I think is a good thing), so it's up to you to decide what it all means and what to make of it. It really makes you think. I highly recommend it--but beware, it's not for the faint of heart. If you don't approach it with an open mind, I see little to be gained. Even so it's very interesting.
As an added bonus, one of the writers (who both play themselves in the film) is Wallace Shawn, perhaps better known as Vizzini from The Princess Bride. If you listen carefully, you will hear him say the word "inconceivable" almost exactly like he does in that movie. It most certainly made me laugh my head off before I realized I was missing important stuff. Now according to my own rules, I may not claim that it's my favorite movie ever until I've seen it at least twice. Perhaps that'll be the thing to do over Thanksgiving break. (I just checked...Kalamazoo Public Library has it!)
Forever your eyes will hold the memory I saw your heart as it overtook me We tried so hard to understand and reason But in that one moment I gave my heart away
I gave my heart away In that moment I gave my heart away In that moment I gave my heart away
With that perfect breath where my mind lay beside me And all I knew is what had overtaken me With no reason I am comforted by inability to understand
Forever your eyes will hold the memory I saw your heart as it overtook me We tried so hard to understand and reason But in that one moment I gave my heart away
I gave my heart away In that moment I gave my heart away In that moment I gave my heart away
FOREVER your eyes will hold the memory Forever your eyes will hold the memory Forever your eyes will hold the memory
When I wake from this dream Will your smile still open my heart And leave me transparent? When I wake from this dream Will your smile still open my heart?
I would have written a post yesterday had it not been the third annual Communications Adventures Day! (It's just coincidence that the acronym is ironically CAD) CAD is is a day for computer science majors or other anti-social geeks to avoid talking about or using computers/math/science/video games for the entire day. Some activities of the day included:
Playing frisbee
Coloring with crayons
Watching My Dinner With Andre, one of the best screenplays ever
Playing Chutes and Ladders in reverse
Putting ~5% of a 1000 piece puzzle together before giving up
Counting my pennies
Wondering if I had any important emails I was missing out on
Having interesting conversations about injuries, Dr. Heth, female role models, caterpillars, and the ubiquitous YOUR FEELINGS
Whenever someone asked me how I was feeling, I never knew how to respond. This happened at least 5-10 times. What should I say? Since the only reason they're asking is because it's CAD and not because they really care, I could just respond with the oft-used "Fine. You?" response. Or I could start making things up; that could be very interesting but would be rather untruthful. Or I could respond with an honest response, but unfortunately that requires actually knowing how I'm feeling. When something really good or really bad happens, I suppose I know that I'm feeling happy, sad, tired, excited, pensive, pissed, worried, disappointed, satisfied, etc. (All of which happened yesterday at some point or another.) But a lot of the time I don't know how I feel. Is this something I'm supposed to know and constantly think about? Can't I just exist and that be good enough for everyone? Perhaps there's some other question we could be asking each other that's slightly more thought-provoking? Just a suggestion...
Life has been wild lately. From three tests in two days, to late nights and early mornings, to coloring in a Disney princess coloring book with a half dozen other people, to awesome conversations with awesome friends. It's been a crazy couple of weeks.
I was recently introduced to what is now one of my favorite games ever: Truth or Truth. Think truth or dare but without the dare. There's no winners, no losers, no teams, no score, can be played anywhere and with anyone, and it's the best possible way to get to know a bunch of people really well. As an added bonus, it's a game that can easily be made to be really awkward. (Yay for awkward!) It also helps that we played it while coloring Disney princesses with crayons. (This is apparently what Christians do for fun.)
I attempted for the second time to install Gentoo on my laptop as I am unhappy with the Intrepid update to Ubuntu. I got everything working, save for the wireless, which is kinda necessary. So I formatted and reinstalled Ubuntu. I'll try Intrepid again, but if it continues to give me problems I'll stick with Hardy.
On a completely different note, I'm so addicted to Skillet, it can't be healthy. Or can it?
*pause for a moment while I take a survey for Calvin College's Dining Commons, despite the fact that I've never eaten there before in my life*
Hmm, what else to say? I suppose I could ask for prayer for the future, as I'm trying to work out some things in my spiritual life, and I've very recently made big changes in my life plans which I'm really excited about. It kind of started with a recent trip to Ohio to visit a friend's family. Ever since then I've made some major decisions about what I think God wants my life to look like, and it's not at all what I was expecting. Hooray for God's crazy timing too...
You're worth so much It'll never be enough To see what you have to give How beautiful you are Yet seem so far From everything you're wanting to be You're wanting to be
Tears falling down again Tears falling down
You fall on your knees You beg, you plead Can I be someone else For all the times I hate myself? Your failures devour Your heart in every hour You're drowning in your imperfection
You mean so much That heaven would touch The face of humankind for you How special you are Revel in your day You're fearfully and wonderfully made You're wonderfully made
Tears falling down again Come let the healing begin
You fall on your knees You beg, you plead Can I be someone else For all the times I hate myself? Your failures devour Your heart in every hour You're drowning in your imperfection
You're worth so much So easily crushed Wanna be like everyone else No one escapes Every breath we take Dealing with our own skeletons
You fall on your knees You beg, you plead Can I be someone else For all the times I hate myself? Your failures devour Your heart in every hour You're drowning in your imperfection
Won't you believe? Won't you believe All the things I see in you?
You're not the only one You're not the only one Drowning in imperfection
Many things in life are hard for me Many things can pull us down I don't understand Why I do what I do How could I take my eyes off You?
After all You've done for me And after all You've done for me
And it's by grace and love I am saved And it's by grace and love You've forgiven me And by that love and grace I'm amazed And it's by grace and love I am free
I am free I am free I am free
And it's by grace and love that I am free I'll live with You eternally I thank you Lord that I am free I thank you Lord for loving me I thank you Lord for dying Upon the tree of Calvary I thank you Lord for loving me I thank you Lord for dying for me
Cuz it's by grace and love I am saved And it's by grace and love You've forgiven me And by that love and grace I'm amazed And it's by grace and love I am free
I am free I am free I am free
And many things in life are hard for me Many things can pull us down But by grace and love You've forgiven me And by grace and love We are free
I don't know what prompted this or when exactly it happened, but last night I got this idea: what would happen if I got rid of Facebook? The thought never occurred to me, as I've had it since high school. It's pretty useless. I don't use it for pictures. It's only a waste of time to me. The only thing I'm worried about is being disconnected from people, but then I realized that all I do is stalk people instead of actually talking to them, so why bother? I'm going to try going without it for a couple weeks, and unless I find or hear any really compelling reasons to keep it, I may just get rid of it altogether.
I hate feeling like this I'm so tired of trying to fight this I'm asleep and all I dream of Is waking to you Tell me that you will listen Your touch is what I'm missing And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you Comatose I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe 'less I feel you next to me You take the pain I feel Waking up to you never felt so real I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream Cause my dreams don't comfort me The way you make me feel Waking up to you never felt so real
I hate living without you Dead wrong to ever doubt you But my demons lay in waiting Tempting me away Oh how I adore you Oh how I thirst for you Oh how I need you! Comatose I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe 'less I feel you next to me You take the pain I feel Waking up to you never felt so real I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream Cause my dreams don't comfort me The way you make me feel Waking up to you never felt so real
Breathing life Waking up My eyes Open up
Comatose I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe 'less I feel you next to me You take the pain I feel Waking up to you never felt so real I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream Cause my dreams don't comfort me The way you make me feel Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I adore you Waking up to you never felt so real Oh how I thirst for you Waking up to you never felt so real Oh how I adore you Oh, the way you make me feel Waking up to you never felt so real
Today is the release of Skillet's new live album, Comatose Comes Alive. I preordered it, and it arrived today. I watched a few minutes before I was torn away to go to class, and I must say that it is AMAZING! It's exactly like the concert except that I was sitting comfortably, there weren't hoards of sweaty people all around me, it wasn't blistering hot, my knees weren't aching, and it wasn't blow-your-eardrums-out loud (although that last one can be easily fixed). It's incredible. I feel that no one can claim to be alive until they've experienced a Skillet concert, even if it's on a DVD.
Skillet accompanied the release of their live album with a Facebook note, and I thought I'd share some of what they said. After mentioning that their last tour went really well, that they are in pre-production on a new album, and that they will have a live studio webcam set up, he had this to say:
I feel I have to say at least something about whats' been going on in the world of politics and our economy. I won't go into any details or share any of my views, but I just want to encourage everyone to be in prayer. Pray for our nation, that it would be honoring to God. Pray for our potential leaders and our current leaders that they would have wisdom in leading our nation. Pray for God's light to be seen, that amidst the craziness of everything going on, there would be a light of hope and peace shining through. I've been watching the news a lot lately and I can only imagine how easy it is for people to become afraid of what "could happen". What we need to remember is there is a God who is in control. No matter what government official is in charge. No matter what drop or bailout is going on in the economy. We can know a deep peace that transcends all understanding.
-Benjamin Judah
This perfectly paralleled what Dr. Habecker said in chapel today: that we should not have cause to worry because God is in control. I guess I don't have much to add to that, but it can be a great reminder of encouragement if you've got something on your mind worrying you, whether it's the economy or grad school or relationships or what have you. Have a good day, world.
Alas, fall break has ended and we're back in the swing of things. I'm quite proud of myself for going from 3pm Wednesday to about 3pm Sunday without doing anything that could be considered productive. I slept, watched lots of movies (2001: A Space Odyssey, The Italian Job, War of the Worlds, X-Men 2, and maybe a couple more), and even played some video games. Of course, all the sleep that I caught up on over the weekend was worthless because I had a late night doing homework Sunday night (~3 1/2 hours of sleep, plus a nap during chapel). Oh well.
We had our first ever co-ed Casino FOSO in the Gerig lounge, complete with a full service bar, three tables of Texas Hold 'em, and paparazzis. I borrowed Mike's camera and went on a shooting spree; see Facebook for pictures of the glamorous event.
I recently read the most amazing short story for World Lit. "The Fortune Teller" by Joaquim Machado de Assis. I can't say much of what it's about without giving everything away, but the ending is great (meaning most people would probably hate it).
In other news, after adamantly refusing to go on the pick-a-date on Friday, I promptly changed my mind. It involves eating at the Flat Top Grill and playing laser tag afterwards. I don't think it's very date-esque or at all conducive for people getting to know each other, but it'll still be great fun. And since when are pick-a-dates supposed to resemble real dates anyways? Perhaps that should be an entirely different post...I feel like I could draw out a lengthy post out of that topic (I'm very opinionated, what can I say?).
Lastly, I have discovered the second best waste of time in all my years of existence: N. N is a flash game where you are this little ninja and you try to get to the door by flipping switches and avoiding killer robots. There are 500 levels (hence the great potential for waste of time). My roommate discovered it a couple years ago but it has taken me until now to start playing. But nothing beats the ultimate waste of time ever...*drumroll*...watching an entire episode of Hypnotoad from the Futurama movie DVD. I am proud to say that I have watched the entire thing, but that was literally the least productive time in my life. I do not recommend it.
I think that's about all. Stay tuned for more updates in the life of Zekky.
Have you ever seen a man stumbled and fallen All due to his pride I don't want to be another one Fallen due to my pride
Take my pride away Pride away Take my pride away Pride away Take my pride away
Lord keep me only focused on you Make me a humble man Don't ever let me take the credit For all that you have done
Take my pride away Pride away Take my pride away Pride away Take my pride away
Standing here amidst this point of definition Pushing for position as I battle opposition Am I on a mission or is it all in vain Do you notice the difference or is it all the same And who do I blame when my vision gets blurry I Get in a hurry frustrated and feeling fury Faith is enduring to stand the test of time Answers are plain we make them hard to define But pull from divine when problems arise But pride denies and my stand never survives In every one of our lives in every single day We need to lay down our pride as God takes it away
Take my pride away Pride away Take my pride away Pride away Take my pride away
Last night I took a shower, and when I stepped out to dry I noticed a ladybug in the shower. And I said "Oh Hai! How long how you been there?" Then I continued on with my life.
Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.
Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.
She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.
The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.
She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.
I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.
Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.
She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Traveling Mercies.
On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.
Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.
After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.
She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.
As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."
I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.
We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.
We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.
I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.
A remnant of the past, Out of place in modern times. I spy a lone soldier standing resolutely, Partially obscured by midget flakes of black Yet overshadowed by blooming beauty. Like a sentinel guarding a fortress He disallows weary travelers a brief taste of bland. Yellow bows to red, Red triumphs over all. I must take leave now- Her Supreme Majesty has arrived.
Inspired by a bottle of hot sauce at lunch left over from the night before. Yes, I know I'm weird...
I am outside and I've been waiting for the sun With my wide eyes, I've seen worlds that don't belong My mouth is dry...with words I cannot verbalize Tell me why we live like this
And keep me safe inside Your arms like towers Tower over me
Cause we are broken What must we do to restore Our innocence and all the promise we adored? Give us life again We just wanna be whole
Lock the doors, I'd like to capture this voice That came to me tonight So everyone will have a choice And under red lights, I'll show myself it wasn't forged We're at war...we live like this
So, keep me safe inside Your arms like towers Tower over me
Cause we are broken What must we do to restore Our innocence and all the promise we adored? Give us life again We just wanna be whole
Tower over me Tower over me
And I'll take the truth at any cost
Cause we are broken What must we do to restore Our innocence and all the promise we adored? Give us life again We just wanna be whole
I'd say a good majority of the feedback one receives during his or her life is generally positive. People complimenting each other on their musical tastes, providing encouragement for an upcoming test, professing how great that frisbee throw was. And even in my life most of the things people say to me are quite positive. I like your hair, nice catch, great job today, you guys are top quality, you two are great together, etc. Some of these things are repeatedly mentioned by many different people at varying intervals.
But once in a while I get a negative comment. Someone says something to my face that contradicts what everyone else is saying. (Rarely I will hear about something that was said behind my back, but that's another story.) Either way, if I only took those negative statements to be outliers and discarded them, I would still accept all the positive things as truth and live on in blissful ignorance. But to me, when someone makes a comment that rubs me the wrong way like that, it carries a lot more weight. I'm usually a bit startled at first and don't know how to respond (because I'm not used to it), but the more I think about it the more I realize that I can trust that they were being genuinely honest. If they were lying, then they must hate me and think very lowly of me to say such a thing to my face. I admit that most everyone doesn't hate me like that (I think). I'll accept that these people are my friends and that what they said was the honest truth.
But if that is the truth, then what does that make everything else? It essentially nullifies everything that has been said about or to me up to that point. Now, some things are just a matter of opinion. Like, I don't care that Joe down the hall doesn't like heavy metal/screamo. That's fine. As long as it doesn't affect our relationship, who cares? But when something is more fact than opinion and someone is brutally honest about how it really is, then it makes me wonder if everyone else has been lying to my face all this time.
Once I come to this realization, I start to wish that everyone would be like that. Instead of making things up and haphazardly throwing around meaningless compliments, I wish that people would be open and honest about how they really felt about certain things. No, not certain things--everything. I really appreciate it when someone has the guts to tell me their honest opinion, especially if it isn't easy to hear. Of course, tact is still called for, but it doesn't have to pollute the truth any.
I'm not asking that people stop being positive and start criticizing each other all the time. What I am asking is that they show a little sincerity in the things they say. (I'm just as guilty as anyone else; I don't for a second think I'm above anyone in this matter.) It may open wounds, but it also opens the way to honest conversations, deeper relationships, and practical solutions. Think objectively for a minute: if a student was failing math because he didn't understand the basic rules of algebra, you wouldn't keep telling him that he's doing a great job and then watch him fail over and over again without saying anything. It may not be the most positive thing to do, but he needs to be told that he is failing, where he is failing, and what he can do to fix it. Only then can he grow.
As usual, this post is longer than intended. My main point is this: I think we are called to live honest lives just as much as we are called to be encouraging to others. Encouraging someone with a lie doesn't help them grow. It may for a time, but eventually he will find out the truth, and then what you said carries no weight. Can we live honestly with each other? Can we please have the guts to tell others our true feelings? It's painful sometimes, but I think it's necessary.
I have found what I would deem to be the greatest Youtube video I've seen in a very long time. I wouldn't even call this one a waste of 1 minute and 34 seconds. Or 3 minutes 8 seconds if you watch it a second time, which I did.
The mistakes I've made That caused pain I could have done without
All my selfish thoughts All my pride The things I hide You have forgot about
They're all behind you They'll never find you They're on the ocean floor Your sins are forgotten They're on the bottom of the ocean floor
My misdeeds All my greed All the things that haunt me now They're not a pretty sight to see But they're wiped away By a mighty, mighty wave A mighty, mighty wave
They're all behind you They'll never find you They're on the ocean floor Your sins are forgotten They're on the bottom of the ocean floor
Your sins are erased And they are no more They're out on the ocean floor
Take them away To return no more Take them away To the ocean floor To the ocean floor To the ocean floor
They're all behind you They'll never find you They're on the ocean floor Your sins are forgotten They're on the bottom of the ocean floor
Your sins are erased And they are no more They're out on the ocean floor
Your sins are forgotten They're on the bottom Of the ocean floor
Your sins are erased And they are no more They're out on the ocean floor
For those who don't know, I now have no hair. It's pretty weird. I've had it really short before, but never this short. My head gets a little chilly, but I guess that's what hats are for. So far I've gotten compared to two major figures; when I wear my glasses they say I look like Gandhi, and when I don't I look like Jean-Luc Picard, which is perhaps the greatest compliment I have ever received.
I was at the movie store in Muncie today and contemplated purchasing the entire Star Trek decology (all 10 movies), but then looked at the price tag. So instead I bought Star Trek IV (perhaps the best out of the 10) and War of the Worlds for $12. I don't like Tom Cruise as a person that much, but I really like many of his movies and do think he's a good actor.
I bought wire coat hangers and used one to fashion a clip for Matilda (my lightsaber). I can now carry it around on my belt or pocket and leave my other hands free for Vera (my modded Nerf gun) and...other stuff. The current game of assassins has claimed 3 lives so far--I shall not be one of them! (+5 geek points to those who know where Vera comes from.)
Sonic FTW. That place is pretty awesome. chkdsk is also pretty awesome. So far it has saved the same laptop twice. I have a feeling the hard drive on that thing is going to die soon. Speaking of dying, my car is about to explode. The muffler fell off last week so it's loud and I don't trust the sounds it's making anymore. At least I got to see a palindrome on the odometer on the way back from the airport today! It passed 211,112 miles. I also named her today. She is now known as Debris (pronounced deb-riss).
Eh, what else is new? We have Airband practice tonight. They have apparently been working on new choreography and I can't wait to see it. We are going to rock the show. Time to eat another chunk of cookie dough and see who's on the floor for open house.
This world will never be What I expected And if I don't belong Who would have guessed it I will not leave alone Everything that I own To make you feel like It's not too late It's never too late
Even if I say It'll be all right Still I hear you say You want to end your life Now and again we try To just stay alive Maybe we'll turn it all around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late
No one will ever see This side reflected And if there's something wrong Who would have guessed it And I have left alone Everything that I own To make you feel like It's not too late It's never too late
Even if I say It'll be all right Still I hear you say You want to end your life Now and again we try To just stay alive Maybe we'll turn it all around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late
The world we knew Won't come back The time we've lost Can't get back The life we had Won't be ours again
This world will never be What I expected And if I don't belong
Even if I say It'll be all right Still I hear you say You want to end your life Now and again we try To just stay alive Maybe we'll turn it all around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late Maybe we'll turn it all around 'Cause it's not too late It's never too late It's not too late It's never too late
1am probably isn't the best time to be writing, as I have nothing in particular to write about, and strange things could come out of my mind at a time like this. Take the title for instance: I needed the most random thing I could think of so I picked one of the ingredients in the peanut butter I have sitting here on my desk. Go figure.
Recently got back from Payne's. (Don't worry, I didn't get any coffee.) I was able to scare Ryan by reciting the time and date of a previous Payne's visit that we both went on last year. For some reason, dates stick inside my head like that. I remember the dates of big events and remember the relative number of days between events, so it's fairly easy to pick out the month and day and/or day of week that particular things happened on. I wonder if I could make a living off this skill...
My hair is still black. I kinda want to keep it for a while, but I also want to shave it for Airband. I think I will, especially if my roommate does it too. Mandy I. buzzed her head yesterday, as I watched on in horror. I thought she was shaving it all the way, but she ended up stopping at 1/4". I had been telling her for weeks that she should keep her beautiful hair the way it was, but is she really going to listen to me? Of course not. Fortunately, my horror was unfounded...it actually looks really good (although the process was still quite shocking to watch).
I watched Dr. Horrible again today. It made me very happy. If you haven't seen it yet, you are missing out on possibly the greatest genius ever to come from the great mind of Joss Whedon. And that's saying a lot, because Firefly is pure genius. All three acts are on hulu.com, or you can buy them from iTunes for $4. Without question, the best $4 I ever spent. Watch it. This is the one. Tell your friends. ...sorry, that was a quote from Act I. One thing I love about it is that it's so quotable. Not to mention the amazing singing and hilarious plot line. Nathan Fillion and Neil Patrick Harris singing-how can you pass that up? After doing a little Wikipedia-ing, I just found out that Joss Whedon co-wrote Titan A.E. I loved that movie as a kid, and now I understand why! I hope to see future episodes of Dr. Horrible in the future.
I also need people to play Settlers with who won't necessarily kick my butt every time. I've been brushing up on my strategy and am eager to try out a few things. But I can still count the number of times I've played, and this needs to change. I got the game for my birthday, so if anyone wants to play, I'm all for it! (Presumably someone around Taylor, unless you feel like driving several hours to play a board game. But hey, it sounds like as good an excuse as any!)
I'm so glad that I have another day before school starts again. It seems like so much happened yesterday that it should have been Saturday and today Sunday, but lucky for me I get another day! Speaking of which, today is now technically Sunday, so I should probly think about getting to bed. How bout I do that.....now.
I'm not sure if you can even call this a poem, and it was not necessarily inspired by anything except my desire to write a poem using only verbs-each one of which is particularly placed and has significant meaning.
Can you understand my meaning Hidden in the roses, around my eyes I want you to know how much it means to have you in my life Your love brings me close again In this instance-this single moment when our worlds collide. The wire of eternity twists around us I can feel this river rising, moving up my back Some things never change, some things never go away I could never forget you, and I will never be the same
So I doing homework the other night until about 1am. I still needed to shower for the day (where "day" is a very loose term), so I took a shower, during which my thought process went something like this: "Woah. I just realized that I have been 20 for about an hour. Weird. I'm officially no longer a teenager. Has anything changed that would cause this? Am I a different person now? Does this mean I no longer have the same problems that I had as a teenager?"
I think the answer to all those questions is a resounding "No." One way to look at it is that I am only an hour older than I was an hour ago, and a day older than I was yesterday. This was true yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that, and it will still be true tomorrow. No matter that today just happens to be the 7305th day I am alive. Is there really anything so special about that number? Well I guess next year it'll be a bit more special since that grants certain legal privileges that might be nice to have. But seriously, the cells in my body are still decaying at roughly the same rate that they were before, and my neurons are still firing in the same general pattern as they were before. I'm not really any different, and my problems are not magically gone because I'm now 20. That stinks.
hehehe. I put the link in instead of a picture because I know some people have adverse reactions to lolcats. What was I saying? Something about me being 20 and it not really changing my life. I guess I haven't given it a fair enough chance. After all, it's only been less than 24 hours. Maybe in a few days it'll turn out that all kinds of cool things happen to people 20 and older that somehow don't happen to anyone else. Ha, who am I kidding? "Who am I kidding..." I said that to myself a lot yesterday...
In other news, family is visiting tomorrow. That'll be cool. My register file assignment got moved to Monday so I have the weekend to finish building it. Without a doubt I would say that class (Computer Architecture) is by far my favorite. It's a small class and we're doing some pretty cool stuff in it. Today we looked at the division and modulus aspect of the ALU. Hmmm, another LOLcat break! http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/funny-pictures-your-cat-asks-you-what-you-are-doing.jpg
That one reminds me of Ceiling Cat. Which reminds me again that I need to figure out what Ceiling Cat wants with me, and that I need to watch Dr. Horrible again because I have multiple songs stuck in my head. I sang some of them at lunch today with Hannah Chupp. People thought I was drunk. It was pretty great.
I already had a green laser pointer (generally useful for everything) and various star charts. So how does everything hold up? Let's see...
Assembly of the mount: They say that assembly of the mount takes about 30 minutes. Working by myself, it took me more like an hour to put it together, but I didn't have all the correct tools readily available and I was a tad bit distracted by SBCGFAP (Strong Bad's Cool Game For Attractive People), which was just released that day. Nevertheless, the directions were very clear and I generally had no trouble with the assembly, except for improvising the tools I didn't have.
Number of observations: So far I have used the telescope three times. The first time was the night I assembled it, in an extremely light-polluted back yard, on a really hazy night. I saw Jupiter and that was about it. The second time I took it out in the Gerig backyard, which is moderately light-polluted but not all that bad. I was able to see Jupiter in better detail, a couple stars (including a double star), and a star cluster or two. The last time was a couple nights ago, and this time I drove about 5 minutes out and parked on the side of the road where there were no lights at all and the sky was clear. This time the moon was in its waxing gibbous phase so it was difficult to find some things that I wanted to see.
Sturdiness of mount: Being a dobs, the telescope is very sturdy. An equatorial mount would have been nicer to have than an alt-az, but the sturdiness of dobsonians plus their relative cheapness per inch of aperture made it worth it. (All dobsonians are alt-azimuth.) However, the mount was very steady and never wobbled.
Size/weight: Both the OTA and the mount are fairly sizable. I can easily sling the OTA in its padded case over my shoulder and carry the mount and the eyepiece kit in either hand, but I wouldn't want to carry it more than half a mile if I can help it. When the telescope is assembled, it can be carried as a unit, but it's awfully heavy and requires both hands.
Assembly: Attaching the OTA to the mount is a breeze. Just set it down (doesn't matter which direction as long as the open end is up, obviously), pull down on the springs and hook the springs over the pegs on the sides of the mount and you're ready to roll. Seriously, taking it out of the case is harder than setting it up.
Eyepieces: The telescope is advertised as being able to switch eyepieces without losing the object you were centered on, and this is true as long as you're careful not to bump it. I mostly switch between the 32mm, 15mm, and 9mm. The field of view in the 32mm is really nice. The 4mm is practically useless; it magnifies like you think it should but it's impossible to focus so everything is terribly blurry. The 2X Barlow lens is nice to have, but I haven't used it much so far. The eyepiece that comes with the telescope (a 25mm) is nice, but if you are going to do any serious observing you need to purchase a wider range of eyepieces. It accepts both 1.25" and 2" eyepieces, which would be nice if I actually had any 2" eyepieces to use.
Filters: I tried out a couple filters during my second observing time. They're pretty nice, but I don't yet have a sensitive enough eye to be able to fully appreciate them. The moon filter is really nice for lunar viewing, as I practically blinded my right eye without it when observing the moon. It's about 18% transmission. Although I haven't quite figured out how to attach it to an eyepiece yet...maybe I'm just stupid.
Eyepiece carrying case: It's nice and sturdy. I think I'm going to try to etch out a piece of the foam so I can stick my laser pointer in there too. It has ready-made slots for two extra eyepieces, and I was able to put a couple printouts of star charts in it and still shut the lid. It also locks, but the lock is akin to using an MD5 sum for transmitting password hashes-it'll keep out people who are just poking around, but if someone really wants your eyepieces they will be able to get at them.
Carrying case: I would call the carrying case as necessary as the extra eyepieces. Storing it in the case keeps it safe from bumps and nicks, and carrying the OTA is so much easier. I don't think I could live without it. It's freaking expensive though! It's about $75 just for the case, but it's worth it. The insert that came with it says that it can take lots of abuse, and I believe this is true. It seems very sturdy and well worth the money.
As an added bonus, the carrying case is ideal for sneaking several bouquets of flowers from a car to the fourth floor of some particular building without anyone noticing.
Viewing comfort: I basically have to kneel down on the ground when looking through the eyepiece, unless it's pointed relatively near the zenith, and then I can get away with bending over and not killing my back. It might be worthwhile to invest in a kneeling pad, depending on how tall your upper body is.
Collimation: Haven't done it yet. Hopefully I won't need to for some time, although I have bumped it around a little already. If I had purchased it just a couple weeks sooner I could have gotten a laser collimator for free, but alas I waited, and the deal went away. A collimation cap is included, but I'm afraid to mess with the mirror alignment for fear of making it worse. Maybe later...
Storage: I keep the mount in my trunk so I don't have to carry it everywhere. It's made of wood so it should be fine there. I keep my eyepiece kit and the OTA in my room. Even when the OTA is in its case, it can be stood upright in the corner so it really doesn't take that much space. Maybe about 1.5 ft^2 by 5 feet vertically. I'm not worried about it tipping over-it seems steady...as long as it is stored upright (with the opening up, the primary mirror on the ground). When storing it I take the viewfinder off so it doesn't accidentally get loosened and fall off in the case, which has happened once. (I don't think I tightened it enough.)
Astrophotography: Not possible. Don't even ask.
Ok, so I suppose it might be possible. Long exposures are out due to the alt-azimuth design of the mount and the inability to add motorized tracking. I read about a trick, though, where you take a cheap webcam and hook it up to a laptop and take a couple minutes worth of video through the eyepiece, equaling several hundred low-quality frames. Then you send it through a program like Registax, which picks out the best frames and stacks them together to produce a nice image. In theory it should work, but I have no webcam to try it with. Not to mention my 1+ hour laptop battery life...
Goto functionality: I purposefully bought the classic version because 1) it was much cheaper and 2) it doesn't have any automated goto features. To me, punching numbers in a pad and having the scope automatically find what you want takes all the fun out of it, and you don't really learn the sky the way you would if you found everything yourself.
And we all know how much I hate GOTO's...
Well, that's the basics of it. Is it worth every penny? It probably is, but I haven't utilized it to the fullest extent possible yet. The quality of the scope in general seems excellent, and I'm glad I made the investment. I hope to keep it around for several years and see many exciting things with it. As with just about any scope you purchase nowadays, you will definitely need to buy extra eyepieces and other accessories, and be sure you do your research before deciding on one particular type. I was dead set on buying a Meade equatorial reflector until I talked to some people and decided that a dobs was the way to go for me. At any rate, I love my telescope and am very glad I made the decision to buy it. Now I just wait for the weather to clear...
Wengatz, O how I love your tantalizing beauty, hidden, Your walls grand and majestic. Your non-curvaceous corners Extrude in painful remorse Of times long swept away By those undeserving of feeling. O how I desire to run to you one hundred footfalls far, Gently caressing your ungentled brick. Then turning, swiftly, Eager to leave you standing as before With evanescent fingerprints soon to be Washed away by the ocean's farthest reaches. O Wengatz, May you ne'er see the day that Your fine walls crumble. May you ne'er see your spirit emptied Or regrets of a youthful self Caught up in frisbees and undefinable behavior. Always will your exterior live in my heart As a place of brief respite From the terrifying memories that Await me in the Gerig lounge. Live long and prosper.
Inspired by the first Wengatz run of the year, in pouring rain, on 8 September 2008.
A couple days ago I saw Gladiator for the first time, and I was amazed. It's a really good movie, and yes it did make me cry (which, to me, is the mark of a really good movie). That wonderful experience saddened me, though, because I thought I might have to make it the best movie I had ever seen, displacing The Last Samurai from it's lofty position on my all-time favorite movies list. However, I have a rule that a movie cannot be my favorite movie unless I've seen it at the very least twice. (This is to prevent premature rankings and to ensure that the movie stays good through multiple viewings.) Fortunately last night I was able to watch The Last Samurai at Casablanca, so I had a rare opportunity to compare the two films almost side-by-side. Somewhere in the midst of watching it, I realized that there is no way that Gladiator, as amazing as it is or ever could be, will ever strip the auspicious title away from The Last Samurai. I've seen it at least 5 or 6 times now, and it just keeps getting better every time. So, not to fear! My favorite movie still stands strong, although I may have a new second favorite, which I need to see again soon.
P.S. Still waiting for another clear night that I'm not sick or extremely tired or that precedes a day with my 8:00 class. By this weekend the moon will be nearly full so I might give my moon filter a go, then see about writing up what I think of my scope.
I felt my heart beating faster and I never saw it coming! Gavels from gun barrels expose me as far less than what I need to be. The sentencing will be dealt swiftly It's too late to mend my treachery
Shots ring out as my last milliseconds unwind... Time bloats with fresh gun smoke forcing me to review what I've done with my life- Too late to change, too soon to die.
Life is still warm on my lips. What can I expect from all of this? I'm trembling at the mighty feet of mercy... Guilty, it's true, but no less sorry. Too late to change, useless to weep for years of sin weighed on scales accurately. Interrogate, assassinate, take the lead for justice' sake. Change of heart/repentant faith only count in mercy's wake...
Shots ring out as my last milliseconds unwind... Time bloats with fresh gun smoke forcing me to review what I've done with my life- Too late to change, too soon to die.
I've debauched and deceived, and destroyed families... I've taken all, given none, and received judgment from the objective eye of a gun. I'm guilty, it's true, but remorseful no less. I'm sorry! What becomes of me but death deserved, received? What of a crooked man's desperate plea seeking The Good Judge's mercy? He loved the lovable and the unlovely, the decadent and the holy. He made a way for the pope and he made a way for me...
FALLEN FROM HELL AND INTO YOUR ARMS... BLESSED MYSTERY THAT YOU HELD ON... FALLING FROM DEATH, LANDING AT YOUR FEET... AMAZING GRACE SO SWEET!
Shots ring out as my last milliseconds unwind... Time bloats with fresh gun smoke forcing me to review what I've done with my life- Too late to change, too soon to die. I'm finding out what it truly means to die - too late to change, too soon to die.
I think pretty much everyone who reads my blog would also have read Anthony's Theorem of Pants that he posted on Facebook. But just in case you haven't seen it, it's the most beautiful theorem I have seen in a while. It goes something like this:
---------------------------------------------------------- During our open house-less time up on FOSO (the floor in my dorm that i live on) us math/physics/engineering folks got a little restless. I started the original theory of pants, and with the help of other restless mathematically inclined people, finished it, making it actually pretty good. I now present you with "Anthony's Theory of Pants" (with special accompaniment by peanut gallery quotes and Special Pants Relativity)!!
This is the board the theory was developed on...its in our hallway... *It must be noted that while this board is pretty to look at, there are some errors on it. These errors are fixed in this note.*
ANTHONY'S THEORY OF PANTS
The amount of pants being worn is inversely proportional to the amount of pants that SHOULD be worn.
(Pants proper) = x / [(pants worn) +2]
where (Pants proper) is defined as the proper number of pants that should be worn (pants worn) is the number of pants worn and x is a number that reflects the appropriate level of pant-lessness.
Now we must further define x, as it is clearly ambiguous at the moment. The thing to notice is that x is a variable, not a constant. x varies according to the situation. For example: during open house, it is a very large number, meaning pants MUST be worn.
x(g) = (g + q) / q
where g is the number of girls allowed on the floor and q is the quantized charge on an elementary particle.
Therefore, if we evaluate x only using units (in order to discover the units of (pants proper) we get
We can now use this formula to properly define the proper number of pants to be worn at any time on our floor.
pants values: pants=1 shorts=1/2 boxers=1/4 these values can be added and manipulated any way you want (example: a proper pants rating of 1 means it is possible to just wear four pairs of boxers...its just not recommended...) ----------------------------------------------------------
What's beautiful about this theorem (to me) is the pantslessness function x(g). If there are no girls allowed on the floor (g=0), then x(0)=1. Thus, (pants proper)=1/(pants worn+2), meaning that if you are wearing any pants at all, pants should be removed to satisfy the relationship.
However, if even one girl is allowed on the floor, x(g) instantly becomes immensely large (as g is constrained to the set of non-negative integers). Thus, when girls are allowed on the floor, many pants must be worn by all pants-wearing-capable members. It's so beautiful. Nice job Anthony.
...is S4E04, "Nemesis". (Sorry there's some Trekkie nerdage here, and if you don't want any theological propaganda you may want to skip this post. You have been warned.)
I've been thinking about this episode lately, even though I haven't seen it in some time. Therefore, I should go back and watch it.
(45 min later...)
Ah that was good. Same as all the other three dozen times I've seen it, but still very good. Basically the plot of the whole episode revolves around Commander Chakotay, whose shuttle got shot down in the middle of an intense war zone between bitter enemies-the Vori and the Kradin. He is captured by Vori soldiers but they decide he's not a "Krady beast" and give him food and help locate the remains of his shuttle. He spends several days bonding with the Vori platoon as they describe all the horrible atrocities that their "nemesis"-the Kradin-commit against their people. After he gets separated from them during an ambush, he sees the war horrors first hand as the Kradin attack an innocent, defenseless village, exterminate the old people, enslave the young, burn the village to the ground, and blatantly disregard the religious customs of the Vori's dead.
Meanwhile back on the starship, the captain is negotiating with an ambassador from the planet in an effort to locate Chakotay and return him safely to the ship. In a stunning plot twist that only Star Trek can deliver, it is revealed that the ambassador to Voyager is Kradin and that the "enemy" is really the Vori. The Kradin cooperate with the captain and they coordinate to rescue Chakotay from the Vori. It turns out that everything Chakotay experienced about the war was an illusion and that nothing he saw was real. The Vori captured him and brainwashed him into thinking that the Kradin were these awful beasts with no moral conscience, when in fact it was the other way around. (It's the Vori's way of enlisting soldiers into their army to fight their war.)
Safely back on the ship, the Kradin commander approaches Chakotay and offers a sincere apology for what's happened and explains how grateful he is that he made it out safely. Chakotay has developed such an immense hatred for the Kradin during his time on the planet that he says nothing and storms out of the room. In the hallway, the captain asks him what's wrong. He simply states (in the best part of the episode), "I wish it were as easy to stop hating as it was to start."
It's very good, and my little description doesn't do the episode justice. The reason why I like it so much is because of the truth portrayed in the very end. The Kradin saved his life while the Vori knowingly lied to his face, but Chakotay's hatred is so strong that no knowledge of the way things really happened can shake it. Maybe not everyone can identify with that, but I certainly can. It's so easy to start hating someone for what they did to you...or for what you thought they did to you, and that hate is so hard to get rid of. Sure, there's plenty of Bible verses that tell you to love your enemies, bless those that curse you, and so on, but reading those again and again isn't really going to change how I feel. I don't know about anyone else, but my feelings are something that I have no control over. Perhaps that needs to change.
I don't pretend to have any answers, so I guess that leaves this post with a cliffhanger ending. But at least it's something to think about.
You break the glass Try to hide your face Recorded lines that just will not erase And buried in your loss of innocence You wonder if you'll find it again Was I there for the worst of all your pain? And was I there when your blue skies ran away? Was I there when the rains were flooding you off of your feet? Those were my tears falling down for you, falling down for you
I'm the one that you've been looking for I'm the one that you've been waiting for I've had my eyes on you ever since you were born I will love you after the rain falls down I will love you after the sun goes out I'll have my eyes on you after the world is no more
Did I arrange the light of your first day? Did I create the rhythm your heart makes? Could you believe when your candle starts to fade I want to be the one that you believe Could take it all away, take your heart away
I'm the one that you've been looking for I'm the one that you've been waiting for I've had my eyes on you ever since you were born I will love you after the rain falls down I will love you after the sun goes out I'll have my eyes on you after the world is no more
Isn't my life a clear sign Since I have crossed over this chasm To fill the space between me and you And I will do it all over again Just look for me, just wait for me The one you've been looking for The one you've been waiting for You won't have to look anymore
I'm the one that you've been looking for I'm the one that you've been waiting for I've had my eyes on you ever since you were born I will love you after the rain falls down I will love you after the sun goes out I'll have my eyes on you after the world is no more
The one you've been looking for The one you've been waiting for
Ah yes. This again. I often wake up from a daydream with the startling realization that I'm more than half done with college. Crap. Can I just go back to Freshman year and start over again? I've desperately tried to add a 5th year but I don't think that's going to work. I then try to add the rest of my life to my college years--that has a slightly better chance of working, actually, if I can teach here. That would be great.
Side note: what is an eigentuesday? I kind of know what eigenvalues are but I just liked the eigen- prefix and decided to add the word Tuesday to the end. It sounded good, so I kept it. Eigenvalue, eigenspace, eigenfunction, eigenface, eigentuesday. Whatever.
Haven't had much of a chance to take my telescope out yet. So far I've seen Jupiter with a 25mm eyepiece on a really hazy day with terrible seeing, so that wasn't terribly spectacular. Stay tuned though-it looks like it'll be clear tonight with sunset at 8:22. I'm hoping to see Jupiter again (but with a better eyepiece...I will have down to a 4mm this time), M31 (Andromeda Galaxy), Mizar/Alcor (apparent double star...Mizar actually is a double star in Ursa Major), and alpha Ursa Major (double star in the cup of the Big Dipper). The Pleiades rises ENE about midnight, but I'm not sure if I'll be out that late. At any rate, these shouldn't be too hard to find at all, since they are all naked-eye objects. I might try for M22 if I feel adventurous. I'll get more into the deep sky objects as I get used to the scope. I also need to find myself a flashlight and red cellophane...that might be kind of important.
I want to bring You all that is in my heart I want to give You my everything But I've failed You, I've failed You so many times How can I stand here before You? How can I stand here before You When I begin to steal what only belongs to You I am able to bring You nothing that isn't already Yours I am so ashamed of what I ever called my own Take what I have, take these broken remains What can I give to You that You don't already deserve? You laid down Your life when I refused to give mine
Normal people get 1 vote per election. Identity theivers get multiple. Their victims get none. The government has granted me 1 vote in the upcoming election, but they're gonna make me pay $55 for it. Quick cost-benefit analysis.....yep, not worth it.
Suppose I did have a vote though. ...That I didn't have to pay exorbitant amounts of hard-earned cash for. What would I do? I don't really care much for either of the front-runners McCain and Obama. They both have their good sides and they both have their evil sides, but neither can adequately represent my views as an American citizen. Typical Presidency I guess. So without going into too much detail, I'd have to say neither.
But what if I were forced to choose between the two? After all, the Democratic and Republican parties are by far the ones with the most $$$, so really we're restricted to only those two candidates anyways. (does anybody know why this is??) I suppose I could vote Republican just because it's what I've always grown up with, but I'm all for change, if it's warranted. I don't really know though, and I couldn't care less. (I'm not much for politics if you can't tell). But after reading this the other day (McCain's technology platform), I can safely say that I would never vote for that candidate. Why:
"John McCain does not believe in prescriptive regulation like 'net-neutrality,' but rather he believes that an open marketplace with a variety of consumer choices is the best deterrent against unfair practices. John McCain has always believed the government’s role must be rooted in protecting consumers. He championed laws that penalized fraudulent marketing practices, protected kids from harmful Internet content, secured consumer privacy, and sought to minimize spam."
This seems awfully contradictory to me. He wants to protect consumers by opposing net-neutrality? Now don't get me wrong, I'm very opposed to government regulation too. But in this case, net-neutrality is regulating the telcos and cablecos and protecting the rights of the users to run whatever they want to and say whatever they want to. It's been shown again and again and again that these corporations will censor and block whatever they don't agree with. (Nevermind that I'm against it too--it's not right to deny First Amendment rights to customers.) Preventing fraudulent marketing practices, protecting kids from porn, securing privacy, and minimizing spam sounds good on the surface, but it's not treating the root of the issue.
"John McCain Will Pursue Protection Of Intellectual Property Around The Globe. Intellectual property protection is increasingly an issue for U.S. innovators operating in the global economy. John McCain will seek international agreements and enforcement efforts that ensure fair rewards to intellectual property."
This just screams DMCA to me. While McCain is opposed to government regulation of telcos and cablecos, he wants to enforce IP protection not just in the US but "around the globe." I can easily see this kind of policy leading to increased DRM and more frivolous RIAA and MPAA lawsuits. (Not to mention that we keep sticking our policies and ideologies where they don't belong...can't we work on fixing our own country before we start fixing the rest of the world?)
"While the Internet has provided tremendous opportunity for the creators of copyrighted works, including music and movies, to distribute their works around the world at low cost, it has also given rise to a global epidemic of piracy. John McCain supports efforts to crack down on piracy, both on the Internet and off."
Piracy is bad. It's unlawful. I get it. And I agree. But there is a virtual war waging between government agencies and the pirates, and everyone else is getting caught in the crossfire. It's a war that the pirates and handily winning by wide margins, but the government just doesn't know when to give up. Fighting them is not the answer! Working with them is. There are reasons why people pirate music and movies and games, and there are solutions. There are solutions that don't involve blocking BitTorrent (which never works, besides being unethical), cracking down on offenses (which only stimulates more piracy), and denying basic freedoms to ISP customers (again, DMCA).
As righteous as McCain sounds, I don't like what I'm hearing. He's got some good stuff, but if he enforces all his policies, I see our freedoms shrinking even more. Of course, Obama's probably not that much better. I have no idea where he stands and I'm too lazy to research it.
I can be bribed though. If McCain wants to pay me $210 for my vote (what I figure it would cost me in gas, wear and tear on my car, 8 hours of my time, and the actual cost of my vote), I'd do it. Same goes for Obama. They certainly have enough spare change. I'm pretty sure that's quite illegal though...I wouldn't want any of our maybe-future-Presidents breaking the law by buying off a single, relatively inexpensive vote. (Remind anyone of Clinton?) Naw, I'll just dream that Stephen Colbert ends up winning as a write-in.
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